7 Things About Me That Freaked Out My Father


Since I turned 30, I have been meditating about my late father a lot and how anything to do with me and guys and being a woman seemed to fill him with fear.

My Father was petrified of the following things:

1.) My Fertility

When I was 12 and had my first period I went into his office and sat down. He was doing paperwork and I said to him

“Daddy I had my first period!” ๐Ÿ˜€

He said said

“Mmm…” ๐Ÿ˜‘

(He wasn’t paying attention)

Then he said

“And what does that mean?”

With his head still down (still not paying attention)

Then I said

“It means I can have children now!”

He stopped breathing and looked at me…

2.) My Boob’s

They budded one day and that freaked him out. I was then given 4 rules by him: 1) My boob’s must always be covered in public 2) A bra must always be worn in public. 3) The bra must fit so 4) My boob’s never jiggle in public.

Bra chart for those interested… lol

He told me that – one time – in a way that only Dad’s speak. You know what I’m talking about… They don’t yell at you but they just have a stern, non-agressive conversation with you, which tells you this is not a negotiation.

Haven’t been bra-less in public since! lol

3.) Other men on the internet

My Father did IT for the RAF (Royal Air Force) and was a Consultant for IT for investment banks from the USA to Asia. He knew his way around Windows…. Do you want to know what my Father did to my computer?

He created a secret Administrator account which he hid, that secretly had control over my entire computer and triple encrypted my machine. He made my account seem like the Administrator account but it was not.

This was done to stop me being able to contact or be contacted by males on the internet. When he passed away I had to pay my friends dad (who was an IT technician) to hack into my own computer so I could update it. That’s how I found out about the secret Administrator account!

4.) Anything with a penis

My Father didn’t like men talking to me or about me.

If they were real people Daddy wouldnt like them

He didn’t like it if his colleagues asked about me or tried talking to me. If his colleagues ever tried to talk about me he would change the conversation QUICKLYYYYYY. It was almost a bit rude the way he did it actually. He didn’t even like male relatives he don’t know very well talking to me too much, apart from my brother. He watched my interaction with men at church with his beady eyes ๐Ÿ‘€

5.) Me Kissing My Boyfriends

My Father did not like me kissing my boyfriends and activity discouraged it.

6.) Boys in my room

This is just sound parenting. Can’t fault that. You’re an idiot if you don’t mind boys in your daughter’s room.

7.) Boyfriends staying over

Hahaha! One time I got in late from a date. My boyfriend dropped me off. It was really late it was not intentional deviance. On my part….

I didn’t know it but at the time but my boyfriend at the time knew how hospitable my mother and I were so he purposely either turned up late or brought me back late. It was at a point where it was so late that out of a good will gesture I offered to let him sleep on the sofa. So he could go back home at a safer time in the morning. I was just being hospitable. My Dad however was so furious he was up all night stewing.

My Daddy’s face when my boyfriend slept on the sofa ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

He wanted to drive something pointy through the guys heart in his sleep… ๐Ÿ’”. My mother held him back.

Below is a gif which adequately shows the look on my father’s face as he walked out of the house to go to work the next day and my boyfriend was still there…

So to recap. Me growing up was a source of intense fear for for my father. My boobs were also an area of stress for him and he didn’t like men around me.

He also used to make me write a bullet-pointed list of where I was going to be and the phone numbers of everyone I was going to be the with…

Oh well at least he loved me! ๐Ÿ˜‹ If anything I regret not listening to my father more. As someone who is berieved of a parent following his untimely passing due to cancer, I can say that good father’s are underappreciated and I really appreciate what my father was trying to teach me now. Those ofย you who still have father’s should appreciate their sometimes stern and overbearing behaviour because it is actually love.


SPECIAL EDITION: My thoughts on #GeorgeFloyd #policebrutality #police #blacklivesmatter #GeorgeFloydProtests #GeorgeFloydMurder #Christianity


Firstly I am going back to putting out new blog posts every Thursday at 8pm GMT. Now to the body of the post…..


I realised that I never put out a statement about George Floyd on my blog.

I would just like to offer my condolences to his family especially his beautiful little girl who is now growing up without a father.

I absolutely do not condone or support the violent MURDER of George Floyd.

One thing that I have noticed from all the footage and stories being told is how fundamentally racist, untrustworthy and frankly dangerous the USA police are.

To be honest I have to go to the USA for my PhD research and some other reasons as well but I now don’t really want to do that. I am genuinely thinking about how I can get away with not going there, as I am genuinely scared of going to the USA right now and it’s not because of COVID-19 *cough* Trump *cough*.

I was thinking about moving there at one point but what if I settle down and have a son and my son takes after my mothers side of the family and is dark skinned? Also, I am brown, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? lol. I will have to “the talk” with him (and myself) about not resisting the police and then I will have to tell him that George Floyd didn’t resist but he was still murdered …. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Whenever he goes out, I would be scared for him. Will he get arrested for no reason? Will he actually come back at the end of the day? Will he get equality in schooling/university? More to the point,

Will he come back alive at the end of the day?…

I’ve watched the police in video clips beating the stuffing out of ethnic minorities.

I’m sorry but this crap has been going on for ages and the politicians did nothing substantive. The chiefs of police did nothing. Subsequent presidents did nothing. The major Christian musicians, churches and influencers have either not done enough or nothing at all. This stupidness has been going on for ages unbeknown to myself yet all the years I have been listening to the output of major white Christian agents (musicians, mega church pastors, influencers) and I haven’t heard major attempts at sermon series tackling racism from the major white Christian agents either.

Yes you…

I’m talking to you sunshine…

No I’m not talking about somebody else. I am talking to you. Do take this personally.

THIS IS A MAJOR PUBLIC HEALTH ISSUE AND DEALING WITH IT IS PART OF PASTORAL CARE, ITS YOUR JOB AS A PASTOR AND YOUR DUTY AS A CHRISTIAN INFLUENCER TO KEEP ABREAST OF THESE KINDS OF ISSUES AND ADDRESS THESE ISSUES BEFORE PEOPLE DIE. Surely you people knew what your police were doing to ethnic minorities?…. Even I knew I just didn’t know how bad it was. Where were you people? You knew this was going on? Where were your books? Where were your sermons? Where were your songs? WHERE WAS YOUR MOOOONNEEEEEYYYYY?????


This police brutality is absolutely the USA’s dirty little secret. They say the Russians are this that and the other. Well guess what, there is no difference between what their police are doing and or allowing and what the police of the Russians, Chinese and North Koreans do. It’s just the USA has the FRONT to pretend to be some kind of international universal standard and bastion of morality and YOU’RE NOT!

The USA government is hypocritical and will not fully admit they have problems or fully disclose the extent of the police brutality and the systemic racism present in the USA police.

DEAL WITH YOUR PROBLEMS America, the protesters are not your enemy. DEAL WITH THE REAL PROBLEM.

The USA justice system has absolutely no credibility in my eyes. You hear all these stories of people saying that they are in prison and they didn’t do it and the police framed them or the police beat a confession out of them etc. I used to think yeah yeah yeah. BUT NOW!!! I think all of those cases need to be revisited. How many people have been electrocuted, given lethal injections (hung or however else the USA executes people) who were innocent? Damn you…

(obviously this rant excludes all the hard working, decent people who have been campaigning all this time and those who genuinely didn’t know but when they found out galvanised best they could or those who have been campaigning all this but were not well known like that poor old white gentleman who the police shoved over and cracked open his head).


Happy #SelfIsolating and #SocialDistancing


Here’s what I’ve been getting up to since the Prime minster made stricter rules about social distancing:

* Exercising twice a day – this has been painful maybe don’t do this… lol

* Cooking – trying out new recipes with things already in the house to try to be economical with food due to recent shortages

* Blogging and social media – I find this cathartic

* Reading the Bible – and making notes!

* My PhD – obviously

* Tidying and throwing away stuff I don’t need

* Paperwork including emails

* Volunteering with the online efforts with my church e.g. helping with content and editing

What are you up on to? ๐Ÿ˜›


A Prayer For Musicians & Video Of Me Singing! | #musician #singer #acousticguitarist #worshipleader |

Hey everybody,

This morning I was praying to Jesus and playing my guitar and the thought crossed my mind:

I have never stopped to appreciate that I have been given musical talents because they have always been there.

I also started playing a song I wrote when I was a girl and noticed that I was able to play it a lot better and another thought crossed my mind:

I have gotten better at the guitar, I have never stopped to thank Jesus for improving my gifts, they haven’t just stayed the same I have actually improved.

Let us who are musicians be thankful to Jesus for actually giving us the gifts in the first place and also let’s take time to actually appreciate Jesus for helping us to improve. When I first started playing the guitar as a little girl of about 8 my little hands were too weak and my fingers were too short to hold down Barre Chords (here’s a handy link to what that is for the uninitiated). I used to avoid playing F major like the plague and I would have avoided B minor but my voice was so high pitched anything I was going to sing was always in D so I just had to be in pain hah hah hah hah. I can laugh about it now but at the time I really struggled lol.

Below is a prayer I have written for those musicians who want to thank Jesus for their gifts:

Dear Jesus,

Thank you for the gift of music. I pray that one day you will perfect Your work in me so that through my music ministry every love song will be about You. Thank You for giving me the gift to perform and for helping me to improve. Thank You for blessing me with experiencing joy when encountering all of the different timbres, rhythms and tonalities. Thank You for harmony as well as the beautiful contrast of switching between minor and major tonalities. Thank You for all of the different instruments and for providing me with access to instruments and tuition and mentors.

In the name of King Jesus Christ. Amen


Couldn’t let you go without showing me performing a worship song I wrote (back before I cut my hair lol):



p.s. the Instagram vid below is a snippet of me having late night worship in my room, this week. I’m dyspraxic so I struggle to get the coordination needed for picking the strings but Jesus has really helped me. The picture is black because it was after midnight and I couldn’t be bothered to put on the light but you can hear me ๐Ÿ˜‰



I am currently enjoying not eating too much, after a period of indulgence lol.

Food….. *drools*

Anyway, turns out we really don’t need to eat as much as we do and it’s not entirely healthy. We overeat especially in the West.

I took some natural anti-inflammatory tablets in the form of Tumeric, Garlic and Curcumin supplements. That helped deal with any inflammation that came from over indulgence and helped my digestion along.

I had this amazing handmade Turkish burger from a grill place local to me twice in less than 2 weeks…man alive it was delicious.

Anyway, this is my 30th year walking this earth lol (my birthday in a couple of months!) and I question how constructive it is to allow myself to get chubby (I’m not chubby I’m just saying). My BMI is now 20 it was 18 before, there nothing wrong with filling out your frame, just don’t out grow it.

Check your BMI here: https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-weight/bmi-calculator/ and have a great healthy evening ! ๐Ÿ˜‹

With love x

The 16 Personalities Test

Hey everyone,

Have you ever done these personality types quizzes?

Well I can recommend one which I know it’s quite widely used, even corporately. It’s the 16 Personalities Test. I found find it quite informative and hopefully you will too.

This isn’t silly junk that you find on social media. This one is actually scientific and worth doing, it’s even used in Christian mentoring and discipleship as well. The information they give you is quite insightful.

So I thought I would share it:


It’s free!


View this post on Instagram

Testing the camera on my new phone! Wo0p wo0p!

A post shared by C-C Hope-Rivers (@hopelikerivers) on