Since I turned 30, I have been meditating about my late father a lot and how anything to do with me and guys and being a woman seemed to fill him with fear.
My Father was petrified of the following things:
1.) My Fertility
When I was 12 and had my first period I went into his office and sat down. He was doing paperwork and I said to him
“Daddy I had my first period!” 😀
He said said
(He wasn’t paying attention)
Then he said
“And what does that mean?”
With his head still down (still not paying attention)
Then I said
“It means I can have children now!”
He stopped breathing and looked at me…
2.) My Boob’s
They budded one day and that freaked him out. I was then given 4 rules by him: 1) My boob’s must always be covered in public 2) A bra must always be worn in public. 3) The bra must fit so 4) My boob’s never jiggle in public.
He told me that – one time – in a way that only Dad’s speak. You know what I’m talking about… They don’t yell at you but they just have a stern, non-agressive conversation with you, which tells you this is not a negotiation.
Haven’t been bra-less in public since! lol
3.) Other men on the internet
My Father did IT for the RAF (Royal Air Force) and was a Consultant for IT for investment banks from the USA to Asia. He knew his way around Windows…. Do you want to know what my Father did to my computer?
He created a secret Administrator account which he hid, that secretly had control over my entire computer and triple encrypted my machine. He made my account seem like the Administrator account but it was not.
This was done to stop me being able to contact or be contacted by males on the internet. When he passed away I had to pay my friends dad (who was an IT technician) to hack into my own computer so I could update it. That’s how I found out about the secret Administrator account!
4.) Anything with a penis
My Father didn’t like men talking to me or about me.
He didn’t like it if his colleagues asked about me or tried talking to me. If his colleagues ever tried to talk about me he would change the conversation QUICKLYYYYYY. It was almost a bit rude the way he did it actually. He didn’t even like male relatives he don’t know very well talking to me too much, apart from my brother. He watched my interaction with men at church with his beady eyes 👀
5.) Me Kissing My Boyfriends
My Father did not like me kissing my boyfriends and activity discouraged it.
6.) Boys in my room
This is just sound parenting. Can’t fault that. You’re an idiot if you don’t mind boys in your daughter’s room.
7.) Boyfriends staying over
Hahaha! One time I got in late from a date. My boyfriend dropped me off. It was really late it was not intentional deviance. On my part….
I didn’t know it but at the time but my boyfriend at the time knew how hospitable my mother and I were so he purposely either turned up late or brought me back late. It was at a point where it was so late that out of a good will gesture I offered to let him sleep on the sofa. So he could go back home at a safer time in the morning. I was just being hospitable. My Dad however was so furious he was up all night stewing.
He wanted to drive something pointy through the guys heart in his sleep… 💔. My mother held him back.
Below is a gif which adequately shows the look on my father’s face as he walked out of the house to go to work the next day and my boyfriend was still there…
So to recap. Me growing up was a source of intense fear for for my father. My boobs were also an area of stress for him and he didn’t like men around me.
He also used to make me write a bullet-pointed list of where I was going to be and the phone numbers of everyone I was going to be the with…
Oh well at least he loved me! 😋 If anything I regret not listening to my father more. As someone who is berieved of a parent following his untimely passing due to cancer, I can say that good father’s are underappreciated and I really appreciate what my father was trying to teach me now. Those of you who still have father’s should appreciate their sometimes stern and overbearing behaviour because it is actually love.