Is it a sin to have #sex with your wife on her #period? – | #vagina #menstruation #biblestudy #Christianity #marriage #WorshipJesus

Helloo everyone,

I’m baaaaack 😛

It’s been really busy at hopelikerivers HQ but I am slightly less busy for now. This pause gave me some time to reflect upon the hard-hitting, unusual and taboo issues that I like to address on my blog regarding Christianity and women. Today we’re looking at the issue of married couples having sex whilst the wife is on her period. What does the Bible have to say about this? Well lets take a look!

 

Biblical Prohibitions

For most women periods take up three to five days each month for around four decades. That adds up and women and their husbands are almost guaranteed to want to have sex at some point during that time (Kubota 2020) but some passages of the Bible appear to prohibit this.

Under the Law of Moses, a woman was considered ceremonially unclean during her period. Sex during this time was forbidden.

(Leviticus 15:19 NLT) “[19] “Whenever a woman has her menstrual period, she will be ceremonially unclean for seven days. Anyone who touches her during that time will be unclean until evening.”

Not only were women ceremonially unclean during this time but also the men they had sex with and anyone who came in contact with her menstruation discharge.

(Leviticus 15:20-24 NLT) “[20] Anything on which the woman lies or sits during the time of her period will be unclean. [21] If any of you touch her bed, you must wash your clothes and bathe yourself in water, and you will remain unclean until evening. [22] If you touch any object she has sat on, you must wash your clothes and bathe yourself in water, and you will remain unclean until evening. [23] This includes her bed or any other object she has sat on; you will be unclean until evening if you touch it. [24] If a man has sexual intercourse with her and her blood touches him, her menstrual impurity will be transmitted to him. He will remain unclean for seven days, and any bed on which he lies will be unclean.” (Bible Study 2020)

Further on in Leviticus the Bible gives us more prohibition:

(Leviticus 20:18 NLT) “[18] “If a man has sexual relations with a woman during her menstrual period, both of them must be cut off from the community, for together they have exposed the source of her blood flow.”

It is important to understand the purpose of the Law of Moses concerning blood. In the sacrificial system, blood was sacred:

Leviticus 17:11 [NLT] “[11] for the life of the body is in its blood. I have given you the blood on the altar to purify you, making you right with the LORD. It is the blood, given in exchange for a life, that makes purification possible.”

A woman’s state of being ceremonially unclean during her period was symbolic of the value placed on blood. As a result, contact with a woman who was having her period was forbidden (Got Questions 2020). Furthermore, emphasis on cleanness and uncleanness was to weave the importance of holiness and “separation unto the Lord” into the everyday understanding of what it meant to serve the true and living God. The distinction between cleanness and uncleanness functioned as a continual reminder of the difference between God (holy) and God’s people (sinful and fallen) (Bohlin 2020).

As a result of the above mentioned verses, some take the view that a married couple should practice the Law of Moses and not have sex while the wife is having her period (Got Questions 2020) in an attempt to please God.

 

Challenges To Period Sex Prohibition

There are 3 problems with taking the view that practicing the Law of Moses will please God and absolve you of sin.

1.) Firstly, it makes the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross pointless as you are not living by “faith” as it says in Galatians 2:16-21 [NLT]:

“[16] Yet we know that a person is made right with God by faith in Jesus Christ, not by obeying the law. And we have believed in Christ Jesus, so that we might be made right with God because of our faith in Christ, not because we have obeyed the law. For no one will ever be made right with God by obeying the law.” [17] But suppose we seek to be made right with God through faith in Christ and then we are found guilty because we have abandoned the law. Would that mean Christ has led us into sin? Absolutely not! [18] Rather, I am a sinner if I rebuild the old system of law I already tore down. [19] For when I tried to keep the law, it condemned me. So I died to the law–I stopped trying to meet all its requirements–so that I might live for God. [20] My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. [21] I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us right with God, then there was no need for Christ to die.”

2.) Secondly, as Paul said, if you start practicing the Law of Moses as a means of somehow making your life right in the eyes of God you have to obey all of them and if you don’t you are guilt of sin anyway. This is vocalised when the issue of circumcision came up in the New Testament:

(Galatians 5:3-5 NLT) “[3] I’ll say it again. If you are trying to find favor with God by being circumcised, you must obey every regulation in the whole law of Moses. [4] For if you are trying to make yourselves right with God by keeping the law, you have been cut off from Christ! You have fallen away from God’s grace. [5] But we who live by the Spirit eagerly wait to receive by faith the righteousness God has promised to us.”

This sentiment is reiterated in James 2:10-11 [NLT]:

“[10] For the person who keeps all of the laws except one is as guilty as a person who has broken all of God’s laws. [11] For the same God who said, “You must not commit adultery,” also said, “You must not murder.” So if you murder someone but do not commit adultery, you have still broken the law.”

So the moment you start observing one law, you have to observe them all. Those of us who know the Bible and have studied the Law of Moses know that it is simply not possible to practice the Law of Moses as a way to find favour with God because it is not practical. Buying all the animals for the sacrifices would bankrupt you for a start. MOST IMPORTANTLY, the Law of Moses is not a perfect means of atonement unlike the death and resurrection of the Lord King Jesus Christ.

3.) Lastly, along the lines of the practical challenges to practicing the Law of Moses on this particular issue. If the Leviticus instructions were applied consistently, even touching a woman on her period would be forbidden. As, mentioned above according to the Law of Moses you even cannot sit on the same seat as her, sleep in the same bed or even touch something that she has also touched (Leviticus 15:20-24) (Got Questions 2020). This is not practical to do today. Imagine what your daily commute would look like trying to avoid menstruating women? It’s not possible. You couldn’t even share pens at work lol.

Thanks to the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ Christians today do not need to practice the Law of Moses in order to be atoned to God (made right with God) as we see in the following verses:

Romans 10:4 [NLT] “[4] For Christ has already accomplished the purpose for which the law was given. As a result, all who believe in him are made right with God.”

Galatians 3:24-26 [NLT] “[24] Let me put it another way. The law was our guardian until Christ came; it protected us until we could be made right with God through faith. [25] And now that the way of faith has come, we no longer need the law as our guardian. [26] For you are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus.”

The prohibition does not apply today because the purpose of the Law of Moses has been fulfilled. There no longer is a sacrificial system of atonement to God like the Law of Moses that involves actions such as avoiding menstruating women. You should avoid menstrual blood because it’s unhygenic not because it will make you spiritually impure. Jesus’ blood sacrifice fulfilled the requirements of the Law of Moses for sins once and for all. Therefore, the Levitical ceremonial laws that partly make up the Law of Moses do not apply today (Got Questions 2020). The sentiment behind those laws DO APPLY but animal sacrifices and ceremonial actions such as avoiding menstruating women are no longer necessary for spiritual purity. Those laws were designed to protect and provide for the purity of the Jews until the Messiah came. Now, Christ has torn down the barrier between Jew and Gentile and the Law of Moses was a major part of that barrier—which is no longer necessary.

It should, however, be noted that moral laws, such as what we find in the Ten Commandments, will never pass away because they are rooted in the very character of God. (Bohlin 2020).

 

So Period Sex Isn’t Out Of Bounds Then?

As I have made clear the need to observe the practices of the Law of Moses is no longer there. This has been replaced by the need to live by faith since the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Does this mean we can ignore the laws from Old Testament? Romans 3:31 says:

“Do we then make void the law through faith? Certainly not! On the contrary, we establish the law.” (NKJV)

God did not give laws just to give a law. There were reasons for each law given. Since we do not know all of God’s reasons, we can only speculate here are 5 possible reasons:

1.) Sanitation – There was no readily available plumbing to the Jews in the desert when Moses first received the law in Exodus. This meant that it was a lot harder to bathe and clean up. We know that a woman’s monthly period is messy and has an unfortunate smell…

2.) Spread of disease – A woman’s monthly period consists of blood. We now know that several infections and diseases are carried and spread through blood (Panell, M. 2020). There are two types of infection that may occur due to sexual activity: STIs and problems caused by changes in normal vaginal flora, such as yeast infections and Bacterial Vaginosis (Medical News Today 2020).

STI’s are viruses that live in blood and they can spread through contact with infected menstrual blood (Healthline 2020). While yeast infections can also occur without engaging in sexual activity but people may have a higher risk of getting a yeast infection due to the hormonal changes during a period. Yeast infections, spread by Vaginal-penile sex, can cause the head of the penis to become inflamed which is a condition called Balanitis (Medical News Today 2020) and FYI, one of the treatments for recurrent Balanitis is a circumcision soo, yeahhh… Additionally, during a woman’s monthly period, the cervix widens to allow the uterine lining to leave the body. This widening of the cervix would increase the risk for pelvic infections and HIV (Panell, M. 2020).

For those weirdo’s who will actually attempt this – Tami Serene Rowen, Assistant Professor at UCSF’s department of Obstetrics, in the division of Gynaecology cautioned against Oral Sex during a woman’s period in Mens Journal, due to the health risks associated with the increase in bacteria and inflammation in the blood itself during a woman’s period. Please don’t do it people it doesn’t seem to be a good idea (Kubotu 2020).

Side note in the medical section – For the more dozy women, there’s the risk of forgetting the tampon. If you plan to have sex during your period and you’re wearing a tampon, you need to remove it beforehand. A forgotten tampon can get pushed so far up into your vagina during sex that you’ll need to see a doctor to have it removed (Healthline 2020).

Another side note – something people may not be aware of is that Sperm can live up to 5 days in the woman’s body after ejaculation (Medical News Today 2020) so just be aware having sex during woman’s monthly period is not a form of birth control. Women can and do ovulate during their monthly period, so can also become pregnant at this time (Panell, M. 2020).

3.) Delayed gratification – Bohlin (2020) suggests that the law of abstaining from sexual relations during a womans period could have been God instituting a “built-in anticipation builder” for both husband and wife for when they could come back together again. Bohlin feels that many married couples know the joy of “reunion sex” and to her, God’s “off-limits for seven days” rule, insured “reunion sex” without somebody having to go away! (Panell, M. 2020). You can debate among yourselves the validity of the claim. I think most men would just like to have sex everyday if they could tbh and the break wouldn’t make any difference to their sex drive but that’s just me.

4.) Demonstration of Grace – Since the New Testament teaches equal value of the sexes (Gal. 3:28, “In Christ there is no male or female”), it may be that the purpose of the gender inequity (the woman being ceremonially unclean during her period) of the Old Testament was to set up the contrast for the glory of grace in the New Testament.

5.) Maybe this was God giving women a breathing space written in law to make allowances for their periods which is a time when there are hormonal changes in a woman which we can’t help, that may make some not want anything to do with sex, while others have an increased desire for sex. It is the same way with pain. Some women do not have pain if they have sex during their monthly period while others may have an increase in pain. Apparently, some women have noted a decrease in cramps if they have sex during their monthly period (Panell, M. 2020).

 

Benefits to period sex

With there no longer being any biblical reasons why a married couple cannot have sex during the wife’s period (Got Questions 2020). Let’s have a look at this phenomenon with an open mind and see if there are any benefits to Period Sex. In order to write a properly balanced article I must note any advantages as well as disadvantages anyways. Here we go!

According to my research (which was in no was extensive) there seem to be some benefits to Period Sex. Disclaimer: not all the benefits have been scientifically proven. Please take this with a pinch of salt and don’t go crazy, you read the health risks I included above so be sensible. The possible benefits of period sex that I have found include:

  • Shorter periods due to uterine contractions during orgasm
  • Lighter, less painful periods
  • Reduced stress
  • Improved sleep
  • Headache relief
  • Strengthened immune system
  • Improved fitness (Medical News Today 2020)
  • Less need for lubrication When a woman is on her period there’s just that extra fluid in the genitals to make things spicier
  • More enjoyable sex due to libido changes (Flo Health 2020) – Fluctuating hormones and increased blood flow to the pelvic area may both play a role. (Estrogen and testosterone are low on day 1 of menstruation but they start to rise by day 3.) Woman’s sex drive tends to peak around ovulation—roughly 10 – 16 days before menstruation starts—but some women also report feeling extra desire during their periods (Health 2020).

 

7 tips for happy Period sex

So is there a way to conduct Period Sex that makes the whole thing less disgusting. Why yes! I’m being super open-minded and cool about the whole thing and have decided to include some tips I found for those interested:

  1. Be open and honest with your spouse. Tell them how you feel about having sex during period time and ask how they feel about it. If either of you is hesitant, talk about the reasons behind the discomfort.
  2. Women if you have a tampon in, FOR GOODNESS SAKE REMOVE IT BEFORE YOU START FOOLING AROUND.
  3. Spread a dark-coloured towel on the bed to catch any blood leaks as your period can cause a small crime scene on your sheets (Flo Health 2020). Or, have sex in the shower or bath to avoid the mess entirely – (I’m Dyspraxic (a bit uncoordinated) so sex in the shower is probably not a good idea for me, I guarantee you I would slip hah hah! You can try it if you want to though lol).
  4. Keep a wet wash cloth or wet wipes by the bed to clean up afterwards.
  5. Use latex condoms, good for family planning and protection against whatever stuff either half of the marriage has brewing in their nether regions lol.
  6. If your usual sexual position is uncomfortable, try something different. For example, you may want to try lying on your side with your spouse behind you or stay in the missionary position (as a Christian, with knowledge of what missionaries do I am confused as to why is it called that?..) (Healthline 2020)
  7. Wash your sheets afterwards. They’ll need it…

 

 

Conclusion

When it comes to sex during period time, some medical professionals do not recommend it as touching the blood of another person is unhygienic and usually women have no desire to have sexual relations during their period anyway, so that is definitely something to consider.

As far as the Bible goes, basically, this issue must be decided by a husband and wife in the spirit of “mutual consent” as 1 Corinthians 7:5-6 [NLT] describes:

“[5] Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. [6] I say this as a concession, not as a command.” (Got Questions 2020).

A husband and wife need to study the passages like the one above and seek God in the matter of having sex during the wife’s monthly period (Panell, M. 2020). Especially as Period sex could turn out to be messy and not everyone is comfortable dealing with bloody sheets or getting naked during what tends to be a bloated, crampy, unsexy time of the month (Health 2020). If either the husband or wife is uncomfortable with having sex at this time, this should be respected and the couple should refrain from having sex. Remember, sex is a way of demonstrating your love for each other. Therefore, a couple should only do those things that the husband and wife are both comfortable with (Panell, M. 2020).

 

Authors concluding thoughts

Although I have been super open-minded in writing this blog post, my personal conclusion as a Christian and a woman who is still in her menstruating years is thus: Blood coming out from the mysterious nether regions is particularly unsettling and to many men and women, a little gross (Kubotu 2020). Considering that sex already involves a wide range of fluids and excretions, including sweat, urine, sperm, and even faecal matter (Flo Health 2020), I don’t really think it would be very nice to add to that. Also, if you do a little research, you find that there are many sound medical reasons for abstaining from intercourse during the time of a woman’s menses (Bible Study 2020).

As the Bible does not give any specific prohibitions that are relevant today. I guess you don’t have to let periods put a halt to your sex life. If you do a little prep work, sex can be just as enjoyable during those period days as it is the rest of the month (Healthline 2020).

However, to be perfectly honest, the whole thing just sounds really unhygienic and I remain unconvinced lol. It’s good to know that no sin is attached to the activity but I just think it’s gross lol. When I’m on my period I feel icky, grumpy, emotional, my tummy hurts and my everything is sore. I would just prefer some chocolate, paracetamol, hugs and junk food over penis… Therefore, this issue goes in “The Things I Can Do But Wont” box. To quote St Paul:

1 Corinthians 10:23 [NLT] “[23] You say, “I am allowed to do anything”–but not everything is good for you. You say, “I am allowed to do anything”–but not everything is beneficial.”

Indeed…

xxx

 

 

Bibliography

Panell, M. 2020. Sex during her period <https://bible-christian.org/sex-during-her-period/&gt; June 17, 2020

Bible Study. 2020. What does Bible say
about intercourse during menses? <https://www.biblestudy.org/question/is-intercourse-a-sin-during-period.html&gt; 17 June 2020

Bohlin, S. 2020. Why were women unclean during their period in the Old Testament? Also, why were the number of unclean days different for the birth of a male child vs. a female child? Why doesn’t this apply today? <https://probe.org/why-were-women-unclean-during-their-period-in-the-old-testament/&gt; 17 June 2020

Flo Health. 2020. Can You Have Sex on Your Period? Pros and Cons of Period Sex <https://flo.health/menstrual-cycle/sex/sexual-health/sex-on-period&gt; 17 June 2020

Got Questions. 2020. Is it acceptable to God for a husband and wife to have sex while the wife is menstruating / having her period? <https://www.gotquestions.org/sex-period.html&gt; 17 June 2020

Health. 2020. 5 Reasons You Should Have Sex On Your Period <https://www.health.com/sex/health-benefits-period-sex&gt; 17 June 2020

Healthline. 2020 Is It Safe to Have Sex During Your Period? Tips, Benefits, and Side Effects <https://www.healthline.com/health/womens-health/sex-during-periods#side-effects>17 June 2020

Kubota, T. 2020. 8 Things Every Man Should Know About Sex and Her Period <https://www.mensjournal.com/health-fitness/8-things-every-man-should-know-about-sex-and-her-period-20151216/&gt; 17 June 17, 2020

Medical News Today. 2020. Is it safe to have sex during menstruation?<https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321667#is-it-safe&gt; 17 June 2020

A Case Study For The Stupidity Of #Complimentarianism | #Jesus #Christianity #Marriage #Relationships #Women #Feminism

Hello!

So, as we know I am egalitarian in that I believe that men and women are equal and they can make equal decisions in marriage etc. Of course, no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to donate sperm and if I ever find that I can, I need to see a doctor… So we can’t always do the same thing but in our humanity we are equal.

I know many people who are complimentarians, this is the idea where the man is the head and the woman is the neck “eugh” anyway… So this stupidness runs deep. I found out the stupidest thing happened, which just explains the stupid of that heterodoxy:

A woman who shall remain nameless, a friend of a friend, was (maybe still is I don’t actually know) married to the man of her dreams and believed in the whole man is the head of the household thing and that she was the neck. Her husband one day had an “inspired idea” to go and do something, which shall go unmentioned, which was overtly wrong (when it was explained to me what he did it was clearly wrong even to someone who is not a Christian). Now the silly wife knew this thing was wrong, however, she believed that as a wife Jesus and the bible says that she should just follow her husband’s instruction explicitly without comment. Sooooo, the wife went along with her husbands sin and just believed that her submission to his authority would somehow change him so he would see how wrong he was (I don’t know how she rationalised that but oh well….). Oh and the wrong thing that the man did cost them hundreds of thousands of pounds. Anyway, so the wife also believed that because the husband was the “head” God will see him as being more responsible for any sins committed in the marriage than her and that he, in God’s eyes, takes all the responsibility for all of the decisions made in the marriage and that God will judge him not her for them. So she didn’t think that God would see her as having any responsibility for anything that happens in the marriage even any bad decisions that she went along with because she thought that she was just being a “good” Christian by doing what her husband says and it doesn’t matter if what the husband says is wrong she should just follow and God will bless her for that.

How do some people manage to finish school?..

Does anyone but me see what’s wrong with that scenario? It is of course the logical conclusion to that heterodoxy. Ok sooo there are a MANY things wrong with this scenario. Where do I start, hmmm let’s deal with the whole diminished responsibility thing first. I’m just going to let the Bible do the talking!

So the Bible says that everyone is personally responsibly for her or his sins. We see that individuals suffer for their own sins:

(Ezekiel 18:20 NLT) “[19] “[20] The person who sins is the one who will die. … and wicked people will be punished for their own wickedness.”

I don’t know where that woman got her silly views from but it was informed by a false doctrine that was part of another false doctrine regarding women’s unfailing submission to beings equipped with peniii (pronounced peen-eye lol I love the top definition here https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Penii). However, I’m on a roll with the whole sin thing so I won’t be tackling that today (it would literally be around 60k words worth of explanation) let’s carry on ->

In fact, in the Old Testament, not only were individuals responsible for their sins but their sins could also have an effect on their children as well! Looky looky!!!

(Exodus 34:7 NLT) “[7] I lavish unfailing love to a thousand generations. I forgive iniquity, rebellion, and sin. But I do not excuse the guilty. I lay the sins of the parents upon their children and grandchildren; the entire family is affected–even children in the third and fourth generations.””

(Numbers 14:18 NLT) “[18] ‘The LORD is slow to anger and filled with unfailing love, forgiving every kind of sin and rebellion. But he does not excuse the guilty. He lays the sins of the parents upon their children; the entire family is affected–even children in the third and fourth generations.'”

These verses show that the sin of an individual can affect the other generations that come after them, which is true take the Holocaust for example, to this day Germany is still not allowed to have an army. Also, think about jail time. If someone’s Father does something that means that he goes to jail then the family is affected because the home becomes broken when one parent leaves. What you do affects yourself as well as others.

We also see verses of scripture that show us how we can be judged as accomplices to other people’s sin:

(Luke 12:47-48 NLT) “[47] “And a servant who knows what the master wants, but isn’t prepared and doesn’t carry out those instructions, will be severely punished. [48] But someone who does not know, and then does something wrong, will be punished only lightly. When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required.”

She knew what her husband was doing was wrong, the man was an idjit (click here for the definition: https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=idjit) but she went along with it anyway.

(Lol flock of penises https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Penii Ok ok ok I’m going to be serious now… * slaps hand * bad Catherine ! naughty!! Lol I’m in such a strange mood right let’s carry on. I think I’m just so unimpressed and angry with that woman I’m struggling to take this seriously. Anyway…)

She knew what her husband was doing was wrong and she just went along with it. Pfft… Women were designed to be the ezer that is the helpmeet. B. Boyd (2013) explains this function quite well:

“…women were not created as afterthoughts, add-ons, or additives, like the kind I put in my truck’s gas tank, to give me a little boost. No, they were an integral part of the deal, from the very beginning of time…God welcomed His first divine daughter in a pretty powerful way: He referred to her by the Hebrew term ezer kenegdo, which translates in English to “helpmeet” or “helpmate”. As the NIV version of the famous verse has it: “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helpmeet suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18 NIV)…twenty-one times the phrase ezer kenegdo is used throughout Scripture, sixteen of them are used to refer to God himself [examples: Psalm 30:10; 33:20; 115:10; 146:5.] God uses the same name for Eve that he uses for himself, which means that unless God had a massive inferiority complex, he had something more in mind than women as congenital add-on to man…“If Adam must think for, decide for, protect, and provide for the woman, she actually becomes a burden on him – not much help (which is why people in certain cultures just sell or abort their daughters), when you think about it. The kind of help man needs demands full deployment of her strengths, her gifts, and the best she has to offer. His life will change for the better because of what she contributes to his life” (Boyd 2013, pp. 18-20).

BOOM!

If we are not opening up our mouths and telling our husbands when they are wrong (provided that they aren’t the kind of men that will give you a beating for it) then we are in the wrong too. Partly because, as Boyd (2013) shows us, we are failing to fulfil our God ordained purpose to “help”. You are not helping him by not telling him the truth when he is wrong, that’s not faith its gosh darn stupidity. We are missing the mark when we do that and that is the definition of the term used for “sin” in the bible.

Yes pray by all means but open up your mouth, if your faith leads you to a place where you can’t council your husband then

1.) You’re not mature enough to be married

2.) You shouldn’t be married to him, especially as his mistake cost them sooooooooooooooo much money and it was foreseeable.

3.) You need to question the type of Christianity you are practising, if your faith practices are leaving you bound, leading to sin and are not leading to any personal transformation within individuals that practice it then it is an occult form of Christianity.

That kind of inappropriateness leads to “sin” and everybody missing the mark.

The noun חטא (het’) means sin and comes from the identical but differently pronounced verb חטא (hata’), which means to miss a mark, target, goal, objective. The word sin literally means “a missing.” examples include:

Judges 20:16, “Out of all these people 700 choice men were left-handed; each one could sling a stone at a hair and not miss.”

Proverbs 19:2, “…and he who makes haste with his feet errs.” (Abarim Productions 2019, Romans 7)

You don’t confront your husbands sin you, him and your marriage fails and you get to a place where you shouldn’t be and you miss your goals or objectives and this is “sin”. Again, if the kind of Christianity you are practising is making you do that it’s not Christianity at all and it’s heterodoxy. This is the logical conclusion to the Submission theological perspective she was practising it expertly and it led to it’s logical conclusion.

Christianity is all about taking personal responsibility for the things that you have done wrong. That is part of being a mature Christian. Jesus showed us the ultimate example of taking responsibility when He died on the cross for us. If we continue to sin willingly there is no other sacrifice for that.

At the end times we will all have to give account of everything we have done. You will be alone, confronted about what you did and more than likely naked because that is the way that God sees us:

(Matthew 12:36-37 NLT) “[36] And I tell you this, you must give an account on judgment day for every idle word you speak. [37] The words you say will either acquit you or condemn you.””

(Romans 14:12-13 NLT) “[12] Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God. [13]… Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall.”

(Revelation 20:11-15 NLT) “[11] And I saw a great white throne and the one sitting on it. The earth and sky fled from his presence, but they found no place to hide. [12] I saw the dead, both great and small, standing before God’s throne. And the books were opened, including the Book of Life. And the dead were judged according to what they had done, as recorded in the books. [13] The sea gave up its dead, and death and the grave gave up their dead. And all were judged according to their deeds. [14] Then death and the grave were thrown into the lake of fire. This lake of fire is the second death. [15] And anyone whose name was not found recorded in the Book of Life was thrown into the lake of fire.”

We are all responsible for our actions, just because your husband told you to do it and you are willingly “submitting” to him like a twit doesn’t mean that you are not going to get punished if the thing is wrong especially if you are NOT in a situation where he is going to beat you if you say something. Women whose lives are in danger if they say something to or about their husbands is another issue and I am not talking about them. I am talking about those who are in loving relationships and all they have to do is open up their mouths and say no to their husbands. Those women are going to get themselves into trouble with God if they do not say something.

Besides, Paul said if you do something that you think is wrong then you are sinning:

(Romans 14:23 NLT) “[23] But if you have doubts about whether or not you should eat something, you are sinning if you go ahead and do it. For you are not following your convictions. If you do anything you believe is not right, you are sinning.”

You will have to give account of your actions to God, God isn’t going to excuse you because your husband told you to do it, God is not interested in what your husband did or told you to do God is interested in what YOU, what did YOU do of your own volition. Why do people keep adding things to the Bible?

Catherine

 

 

Bibliography

Abarim Productions. 2019. ‘Romans 7’ Abarim Productions Web site, at: <http://www.abarim-publications.com/Bible_Commentary/Law_And_Sin.html#.XTCC9IXfv7g&gt; 18 July 2019

Boyd, B. 2013. Let Her Lead: Creating a Better Future for Women in the Church. Colorado: Bonfire Books, LLC.

I was watching a trashy #realityTV show which showed an example of exploitative #cultural practices of #AfricanAmericans, here are my thoughts…

Hello everyone!

So! The other day I was watching one of those trashy reality TV shows about plastic surgery gone wrong… Anyhoo, I was pleasantly unsurprised by the stupidness I saw.

One thing did stand out however, an African-American transsexual woman (so a man who decided to get plastic surgery and hormones to make himself look like a woman) went to the plastic surgeons with his actual woman friend, something had gone wrong with his plastic surgery and the doctors fixed it. Anyway, we know what the Bible says about homosexuality, that’s not what this blog post is about…

The surgery was a classy place and the surgeons were professionals but they both looked like drag queens even though only one was but that’s not what this blog post is about…

They then proceeded to wiggle their behinds at the surgeons in a manner that I have seen many African-American’s incl, Beyonce do. Beyonce claimed this was African cultural dance… One was loving it and the other was totally unimpressed, well what can you expect from a trashy reality tv show but that’s not what this blog post is about…

The show does a background bit on each patient and their background bit showed them at a burlesque dance club and they were dancing like strippers, the drag queen was especially good at it.. :-S I’m sure there’s more to their lives than that but that’s still not what this blog post is about…

What bothered me and what this blog post is about is how those two people the drag queen and his friend (who was also African-American) misrepresented African-Caribbean people, particularly African-Caribbean women. When people see that kind of stuff they tend to think that that’s what we are all like and it’s just not true, one moment of stupidness can set our whole ethnicity back to the 1700’s.

No offence but sometimes I see African-American’s (not all, I repeat NOT ALL), doing and saying some very stupid things and claiming it as their culture but it’s not their original African culture it’s, a culture that has been shaped by slavery and it is not their original culture. Let me give you a little lesson, come children and let me teach you….

African-American culture is comprised mainly of the scraps of African culture that the White slavers allowed them to keep. The music, food, suspicions of education, lack of community cohesiveness and the hyper-sexualization of the African-Caribbean female. Why did the slavers allow them to keep certain parts of their culture and stamped out others?
The Music
The music placated and pacified the enslaved Africans, making it easier for them to accept their slavery. Had a holistic effect on the enslaved peoples, offsetting the horrors of slavery, providing temporary relief, making it more manageable and gave them a sense of community and belonging. It pacified the enslaved African’s and gave them the illusion of choice and freedom,
How it benefited White people: The holistic effects made them less resistant to White rule.
How it still benefits White people: The enhanced psycho-social realities of stardom and seeing African-Carribbean people as “stars” gives the hope that “anyone can live the American dream” and “look we’re equal see Beyonce is rich etc…” This distracts them from the fact that they are still being ruled by White people. Give them a few famous people to make them think that all is well when it is not.

(N.B. I was going to say “How it benefited racist White people” but then I thought, the things that racist White people did benefited ALL White people in some way so I’ll just say White people in general. Think about it, not everyone was a slaver in the late 1700’s early 1800’s, some were abolitionists like William Wilberforce BUT THEY ALL STILL TOOK SUGAR IN THEIR TEA…..(which would have been farmed by slaves)
The Food
The food, highly seasoned to this day and unhealthy levels of salt. Why? This is because slave food was made up of the scraps of what White people didn’t want to eat, so it was highly seasoned to make it more palatable to hide what they were actually eating.
How it benefited White people: Again, this helped to pacify them and stop them rising up, helping them to cope better with their disenfranchisement.
How it still benefits White people: It’s unhealthy and gives hundreds of African-American people lifestyle diseases every year, they then have to go to White people go to “Massa” and willingly hand over their money to help cure them. White people are capitalising off African-American’s still using slave coping mechanisms with their food.
Lack of interest in education
The lack of interest in education and the cannibalistic (metaphorically) way some African-American’s and other people from the African diaspora who live outside of Africa can behave is appalling. We really do have a problem in our communities when someone wants to better themselves they are sometimes rejected by the community as trying to be “uppity” or “lazy and don’t want to work”. Rubbish.
How it benefited White people: Stopped the enslaved African’s and the eventually emancipated African’s from educating themselves and getting ahead in life. It kept them perpetually subordinated even after slavery. It also gave them reason to assume that African-American’s were feeble minded, not possible of educating and happy for a lower position in life.
How it still benefits White people: It splits the communities making them disorganized and means they have to constantly look to the White man to help them and they are never able to rise to a position to be able to help themselves. It stops them from sorting out their communities fully and gives any White people who still believe in Eugenics or are just racist for racist sake reason to assume that African-American’s are feeble minded, not possible of educating and happy for a lower position in life. Keeps the whole community subjugated and reluctant to improve.
Lack of Community Cohesion
This cultural phenomenon is particular to people from the African diaspora. Not necessarily a problem initially created by White people but it has been worsened and exploited by them. The hierarchy according to skin colour THAT WAS CREATED BY WHITE PEOPLE -_-
How it benefited White people: It stopped the African’s caring for each regardless of colour other and fixing their communities and rising up
How it still benefits White people: It stops the African diaspora caring for each regardless of colour other and fixing our communities and rising up, voting as a cohesive ground en mass and making sure someone like Donald Trump never gets into the Whitehouse again!
The Hyper-Sexualisation of the African-American female
This plays into the hands of the imperialist agenda of White patriarchy. The idea that the African-Amerian woman is somehow overly or overtly sexual, whereas White women are pure and virginal. We see this in modern times when we look at the overtly sexual way some female musicians, models, you name it anyone African-American in the public eye is viewed/presented, some of them don’t even realise what they are doing.
How it benefited White people: For years during slave times this trope was used t legitimise African-American women being seen as nothing more than sexual animals and good for nothing else. This trope has been also been used to justify the abuse, disenfranchisement and rape of African-American women because if they are hyper-sexual animals they were asking for it right?
How it still benefits White people: Gives them leave to still treat our women with suspicion like animals and continue to use us sexually and discard us cruelly when they are done. This also is off-putting for White men who maybe do not want to associate with us because of it and stops White women wanting to be us further separating the ethnic groups, lifting the White women over the African diaspora women, keeping both the White women and the African diaspora women subject to White men’s ideas of womanhood and keeping the African diaspora women subject to African diaspora men. (African diaspora is just another term for someone with African heritage).

I’ve got nothing against White people, I’m into my vanilla in a big way. All of my boyfriends were White despite my first crush being Jamaican. I can’t help it if I keep on bumping into White guys who like Brown women but understand what is going on and don’t set your people back to the 18th Century with your behaviour.

There is nothing inherently wrong with art, food, not wanting to go to university and sex. However, just understand that these things can be distractions from your purpose. Watch the kinds of cultural traditions that racist White people encourage you to do. These things can be distractions that help to debase you and your people.

Be weary of these tropes and make sure that your behaviour is your own and not the outworking of patriarchal White man’s imperialistic vision designed to debase and make money off you. We (African-Caribbean people) have a rich heritage that has been stripped of all of it’s colour, it’s community and dignity by slavery. Do not misappropriate it. When you see other people wiggling their bums and gyrating claiming that as culture don’t emulate it, it’s not our culture, it is an imperialistic reading of what a “Black person” is. Such behaviour is encouraged because it dehumanizes us and that makes us easier to exploit and make money off us.

I refuse to take on collective guilt for other peoples stupidity but that does not mean that people outside of the African diaspora don’t have a collective understanding of us either.

That drag queen who was African-American and his friend lived up to the stereotypes put in place way back in the Antebellum south. The White man who he was giving his money to, to help fix his self inflicted problem was encouraging him and his female friend to do the things that kept him wrapped up in the predicament he was in, in the first place, which rendered him no choice but to willingly give his money to a White man. (He got implants so he could look bootylicious and act like a whore and he was being bootylicious and acting like a whore in the surgeons office and the surgeon encouraged him and his friend to carry on but wanting to be that way is why he ended up in the surgery giving the man money do you see the cycle?). There’s nothing wrong with being sexy, we are all sexual beings because we’re human but be sexual and sensual not debauched and contextualise it properly. Right place right time, in a way that doesn’t compromise you:

e.g. bikini on the beach, great idea! bikini at a funeral… maybe not lol.

Certain cultural activities are also used to pacify ethnic groups, acting as cultural opiates, making you happy to accept your lot and not fight for progress because you’re having too much of a good time, whilst giving the ruling class reason not to allow you too. Take Britain for example. In the late 1950’s there were race riots, the African-Caribbean population wanted better treatment and there were racial tensions. So what did the British government do to appease them and make them quiet down.? They let them have a big party that they still do annually known today as the Notting Hill Carnival…

How nice…

Catherine

Beware Of Nice #Church #Guys |#Christianity #relationships #phd #men

Hey everyone,

Sorry my blog posts have been a bit sparse for the last two weeks, as you know I’m self employed so I, like every other self employed individual in the country, have been frantically trying to finish my Tax Return (and gathering money to pay my taxes lol) before the deadline to avoid the £100 fine! Blogging came second to that I’m sorry lol. Anyway, it’s submitted now and I can get back to blogging.

I’ve been meditating on something someone said to me a while back. “Why don’t you just find a nice guy from church?”

Well….. that’s making some pretty big assumptions, like the idea that they are all “nice” for a start:
They are only men

Christian men are just that… they are men. They have the same stupidness festering at the back of their minds that other men do, it’s just the way they deal with it is different. Or at least it’s supposed to be. Don’t expect too much from them hah hah! They have the same struggles. Any Christian guys reading this, well… whatever naughty thoughts they were ever going to have about me, trust me, they have already had them as soon as they saw I posted something on FB/Twitter/LinkedIn… In fact, it’s probably the reason why they even read my blog in the first place… regardless of whether they are in a relationship or not.

A guy could be one thing leading worship on stage and then behind closed doors he’s a gimp! Women have literally died, literally, when they just assumed that a guy was one thing because he said he was.

I’ve always said that the only difference between a Christian guy and a guy who isn’t a Christian is thus – they both want to have sex with you in the back of their car it’s just you expect the Christian guy to have the decency to marry you first… and that’s it!

The moment some exegete find any scrap of evidence that you CAN in fact have sex before marriage, they are all going to be at it like no body’s business… Do not be under any illusions, that nice church boy wants to put his penis in your daughters vagina. Yeah he’s waiting but with the end game of penetration.

The problem with being a woman is that a man who just wants a place to park his penis for the night wants to have sex with you and a man who is attracted to you, utterly loves the very ground you walk on and is completely dedicated to your personal and spiritual development is also a man who wants to have sex with you. When both kinds of men are expressing the same kind of desire towards you it can be difficult to tell which man you should be with! Some Christian guys are just getting married JUST so they can have sex with the young woman they like. I’ve heard these horror stories and they all ended in divorce unfortunately because they slept with each other, then immediately realised that all they had in their relationship was the anticipation of sex, they had sex and then relationship was done literally within a few hours of marriage. It’s sad but this is happening in the church, right now because there are guys whose motivation is not what it should be.
You cannot make assumptions about anyone’s Christianity

Not every person who says they are a Christian is a Christian. Only Jesus knows not who but WHAT is actually sitting in the pews. It says in the Bible:

(Matthew 7:21 NLT) “[21] “Not everyone who calls out to me, ‘Lord! Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter.”

Some people are just IN the church but they are not OF the church. On more than one occasion I’ve had guys, church guys, who seem soo nice and sweet at church and good, call/fb message/etc me to ask to see me naked… I’m not even joking. I wish I was, this has happened people! I’ve just stopped taking certain peoples calls/whatsapp/fb friend requests now lol. We’re not supposed to have sex or do highly intimate and sexual things before marriage! I’ve blogged about this! (follow this link for more information). I’m not saying we can’t kiss but good gracious! Stop asking! It’s not going to happen! These people are not Christians, soo many guys I’ve met and I’ve realised that they are just there (as in at church) so as not to upset their mum or their grandmother but they don’t believe it and at the first opportunity they misbehave.

Some guys they just think that it’s ok to go up to the boundary but it’s not ok to cross the boundary. The boundary is a marker of where you should not be, it’s a warning sign that you are going to the outer limits and YOU NEED TO TURN BACK! So many times guys who I thought were Christian tried to encourage me to do things with them that I should not and I’m thinking “…what’s going on?!!?? I thought you and I went to church??…”.

You have got to be careful. Only Jesus knows what is really going on in a man’s mind.
Male headship and female submission theologies make Christian men mistreat women (this bit is in my PhD)

Christianity, like mainstream European/British/American culture is patriarchal (men leading follow this link for a dictionary explanation) this mixture of religion and male headship/female submission ideals have been proven to be dangerous for women, as religion and spirituality can overtly and covertly promote abuse (Yick 2008, p.1289) and the greatest predictors of violence against women are environments that support male control and male authority over female behaviour (Heise and Kotsadam 2015, e333). As a result, the Christian environment can be predicted (and proven) to be an abusive atmosphere for women, as it is already known that Christianity is patriarchal in nature and patriarchy fosters and cultivates environments where men seek to control or abuse women (Wall 2014). Furthermore, Christian teachings can be used to enforce patriarchal marital roles, e.g. male leadership/control and female submission (Aune & Barnes 2018, p.10).

The cocktail of sexist ideas towards women and faith have been proved to be unsafe for women in churches. In a study conducted in Christian homes in North America, it was found that physical abuse rates of Christian women are similar to societal rates (Annis and Rice 2001). This was found to translate in UK churches where a study conducted in Cumbria found that when all forms of domestic abuse are included, the evidence (e.g. Wang et al. 2009) suggests that there is not a significant difference in rates of abuse when churchgoers are compared with non-churchgoers. Conservative ideas on female submission and male headship and a culture of silence were found to blame in many of these cases (Aune & Barnes 2018). Shockingly, it was also found by S. Tracey (2008) that evangelical men who sporadically attend church are more likely than men of any other religious group, even more likely than secular men, to assault their wives (Tracey 2008, p.16). Knickmeyer et al. (2010) interviewed Christian women who said their husbands used conservative Christian theological ideas of male headship and female submission as sanction to abuse them (Knickmeyer, Levitt & Horne 2010, p.102), compelling their wives to submit to their authority because they said the Bible required it. Christian teachings can also be used to pressure women to forgive too quickly or to see abuse as their “cross to bear” (Nason-Clark 2004 p.304). Interestingly, mainline protestant churches have been quicker to respond to the issue of domestic abuse than evangelicals, the most conservative of whom continue to publish marriage advice literature that ignores the problem (Aune & Barnes 2018, p.12).

The Bible, when properly translated, is egalitarian but as men are often holders of knowledge and therefore… power, they are not forthcoming with this information. This is because if the women understood that they are equal as leaders to men they would rise up, become more independent and the men would loose their ability to control them. For further reading on this topic I suggest starting with “What Paul Really Said About Women” by John Temple Bristow. I say start here because it’s not super long but is still academically rigorous – here’s the link for the book on Amazon https://www.amazon.co.uk/What-Paul-Really-about-Women/dp/0060610638.
Conclusion

If there is a Christian guy who is interested in your daughter you should exercise the same level of caution and suspicion that you would with any man. Some Christian guy’s are in fact a larger more pressing threat, more dangerous than your normal man because he appears non-threatening and “safe” so you trust him more and scrutinize him less, then happily leave him alone with your daughter, not realising that she is actually just his prey. He knows you are more willing to look away and trust him because he’s a “good church boy” and you want your daughter to be with someone “nice” and “successful”. He uses this to his advantage. However, if it has a penis it will try and find a vagina to put it in so be careful how much freedom you have with him. Everyone has a point in which they will just give in.

Arm yourselves with knowledge and stop being so gosh darn naive.

P.S. some are really nice this is not true of every Christian man you just have to pray that you found the right one and use discernment.

Catherine x

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Still enjoying my #shorthaircut I gave myself!

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Bibliography

Annis, W. and R. R. Rice. 2001. A Survey of Abuse Prevalence in the Christian Reformed Church. Journal of Religion and Abuse. 3:3-4, 7-40

Aune, K. & R Barnes. 2018. In Churches Too: Church Responses to Domestic Abuse – A case study of Cumbria. Coventry: Coventry University and Leicester: University of Leicester.

Heise, L. L. and A. Kotsadam. 2015. Cross-national and multilevel correlates of partner violence: an analysis of data from population-based surveys. The Lancet Global Health. 3, e332-340.

Knickmeyer, N., H. Levitt, & S. G. Horne. 2010. Putting on Sunday Best: The Silencing of Battered Women within Christian Faith Communities. Feminism & Psychology, 20:1, 94-113.

Nason-Clark, N. 2004. When Terror Strikes at Home: The Interface Between Religion and Domestic Violence. Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion, 43:3, 303-310.

Tracey, S. R. 2008. What Does “Submit In Everything” Really Mean? The Nature And Scope Of Marital Submission. TRINJ. 29, 285-312

Wall, L. 2014. ‘Gender equality and violence against women: What’s the connection?’ Australian Government, Australian Institute of Family Studies Web site, at: <https://aifs.gov.au/sites/default/files/publication-documents/ressum7.pdf&gt; 2 March 2018

Wang, M-C, S. G. Horne, H. M. Levitt & L. M. Klesges. 2009. Christian Women in IPV Relationships: An Exploratory Study of Religious Factors. Journal of Psychology and Christianity. 28:3, 224-235.

Yick, A. G. 2008. A Metasynthesis of Qualitative Findings on the Role of Spirituality and Religiosity Among Culturally Diverse Domestic Violence Survivors. Qualitative Health Research, 18:9, 1289-1306.

Goodbye *waves* | #friendship #love #happiness #Jesus |

An open letter to my friend

For my friend…

Hey everybody!

So it is with great sadness that I send this post. The older I get the more and more it has come to my attention that I have people and things in my life that I just don’t need because they are not contributing anything, they don’t even make me happy and they are just wasting space for people and things that could make me happy.

So I have taken a very long and very hard think and have decided that there are just some people in my life that I just don’t need any more. There are certain people in my life where I just feel like our relationship has just stagnated and has been for many years.

Have you ever known anyone where you’ve known them for years but you still feel just as awkward with them as you did nearly 20 years ago? Or you feel like your relationship with that person has never improved, grown or developed in any way? You feel like you have not grown as people together? They seem to be embarrassed by you in front of their friends? They don’t want their friends on facebook to know you know each other so they hide your posts? Or they ask you to delete them? You have no shared goals or values? You try and contact them and they hardly ever or never reply but when it’s some kind of activity that they are organising or they want you to go to for whatever reason they are always full of chat? They are happy when you are their secret and annoyed when other people want to drive you home and they tell them not to, to isolate you so that only they can drive you home? and when your life moves on they seem to be unhappy about it? I’m not even talking about romantic relationships, I’m just talking about ordinary friendships.

I like my friendships to grow, develop and move forward, circumstances permitting. When I say circumstances permitting I mean obviously when my friends get married or move or whatever, our friendship then takes on a new dimension, as they have children etc, you can’t be out all night with them all the time then etc. However, if circumstances permit a stronger bond with deeper dimensions, (again I’m not talking about romantic relationships I’m talking about just being decent friends) and this is not being exploited or properly utilised then there’s a problem and you’re not friends.

Time and time again guys fail to understand this. You want a girlfriend but you are not nice in a consistent way to all of the women around you. Women talk, so they will be spreading news of your bad behaviour to all the ladies you want to date. Additionally, how do you expect to wholeheartedly love someone when you don’t have the capacity to wholeheartedly love? You should be able to show love to anybody, I’m not talking about romantic love I’m talking about the kind of love that friendship should be. I admit I am talking to myself here as well, we all struggle to be nice. I absolutely despise guys who are only kind to women they are romantically interested in. I have no time for such people.

Obviously I know there are degrees of friendship and not all friendships are close but some are distant when they should be close and the emotional distance is as a result of dysfunction, that’s the kind of friendship I am talking about here.

The Ancient Greeks were much more adept at explaining the various degrees or kinds of relationships and the different kinds of “love” that you encounter within them, they had several words for love:

Éros (ἔρως érōs) love, mostly of the sexual passion
Storge (στοργή storgē) tenderness, love, affection, especially of parents and children
Philia (φιλία philía) affectionate regard, friendship, usually between equals
Agápe (ἀγάπη agápē) love: esp. charity; the love of God for man and of man for God

Being nice isn’t a declaration of érōs (sexual passion) but without storgē (tenderness) how do yo expect to even get to érōs? Don’t you know if agápē (charity, the kind of love that exists despite changing circumstances) is not fully developed in your life there can be no philía (friendship) and without philía there will never be any érōs (well not with me anyway… Especially not before marriage as I am a Christian)? I’m not asking for sex no offence, I’m just asking for kindness lol.

What can I say, I like friendships to have as much depth as they ought to, no more and no less. That’s not to say that I would push a friendship more than it should go. You get a feel for certain people that makes you think “ok this is a distant friend” or “ok we can be closer”. However, what really grinds my gears is when you have someone wanting you close only when it’s convenient for them and you’re doing all the friending…

When I am in a friendship with someone, I want to be more to you and you be more to me as time goes on. I’m not talking in a romantic way, I’m just saying that any kind of relationship whether it’s a friendship, a business relationship, a family relationship or a romantic relationship needs to grow positively somehow in order for it to succeed and be useful in any way. You need to be adding something positive to each others lives as often as possible. You need to be fulfilling some kind of need for each other, even if it’s the need for an occasional laugh or some light conversation. We need to grow together, have shared experiences and somehow lift each other up. There also needs to be emotional connectedness and emotional investment, not always emotional strain. I need to know that I can rely on you and you need to know that you can rely on me. All these things need to be done to whatever degree the kind of relationship permits (due to distance, culture, etc). Again, I’m not even talking about romantic relationships I’m just talking about ordinary friendships.

I don’t like or enjoy time wasters. Anything outside of what I just mentioned is pointless, if your “friendship” does not display any of the virtues like I just mentioned above (obviously distance permitting etc.), in my eyes, you’re colleagues or peers, not friends. If you aren’t growing together somehow in a meaningful way (as I said, to the levels that the friendship will permit) or you’re the same place you were 20 years ago and that place is not a good place (in some instances, being in the same place for 2 decades can be a positive thing) but when it’s a stagnant place, it might be time to call it a day at one point. That point is now. We are stagnant, the friendship is one sided and I’m taking out the trash.

Goodbye.

Now I understand how Jesus feels about us sometimes.

Catherine x

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#wedding #lols #party

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Some lighthearted reasons why #men are like #dogs, feel free to #paw over this lol | #pets #animals #men #fun #lol

Hello,

I’ve been meditating on the similarities between men and dogs. Below are my musings: (FYI, the man and dog in the picture above are not mine lol)

Here’s why men are like dogs:

  • They have faces and hands…
  • They’re cute
  • They like to snuggle up on the sofa with you
  • They make excellent friends
  • To keep them fit you give them appropriate feed and take them for regular walks
  • They love meal times
  • They’re hairy
  • They love back rubs
  • If you let them, they’ll lick your face
  • They don’t like going to the doctor
  • They’re territorial over their females
  • They have whiskers (moustache)
  • Sometimes you have to clean up their sick
  • Sometimes they wee on your (bathroom) floor…
  • The whole world is their toilet 🙂
  • You have to house train them
  • Stronger than they look
  • They lick themselves clean – I have seen this…
  • They like to play with toys even when they are adults
  • Pathological fear of a rolled up newspaper
  • They’re affectionate!
  • They come in all different shapes and sizes
  • When they’re too frisky you get them done (haha!)
  • They like attention
  • Happy to see you in the morning
  • Some are more docile than others
  • You adopt them from their mothers (lol)
  • They have no clue what women are angry about
  • Sloppy wet kisses!!!
  • They occasionally bark at you
  • You can dress them up in cute outfits
  • They enjoy physical contact with their favourite humans
  • It’s culturally acceptable for them to be topless in public
  • Weird fascination with butts
  • They aren’t expected to shave their legs
  • They enjoy taking a nap
  • Fancy themselves as pack leader

That’s all I can think of for now!

Catherine x

Why I think being a modern man is difficult

Helloo,

I’ve been thinking about men and the things they struggle with. Read to the bottom I’ve attached a documentary by CNN on the topic, veerrrrrry interesting.

Life is hard when you’re a man. I live in Britain, so I can only speak about the typical Anglo-American male. Let’s scrutinize their lives together lol. For those of you who don’t know who that is it’s just a male that resides in either England (Anglo) or America, who adopts the English and or American cultural practices of manhood, usually but not exclusively, Caucasian.
The typical Anglo-American male is emotionally stifled. You are taught to internalize your emotions and to barely even recognize them and not vent in a healthy way. Then something that should have been dealt with or even dare I say cried about eventually just comes out as rage.
You don’t know how feminist you should be. Sometimes men offer their seats to women just to be gentlemanly and they get called out for it because the woman thinks that it is not a man’s place to do that just because she is a woman, she can stand on her own two feet. I’m personally not like that but I understand what the women mean by it.
You are bombarded by unobtainable standards of manhood. Having the right job, Earning the right amount of money. Having the perfect body with chiselled abs. Having your own place. Having your own children who are perfect. A wife who is perfect. A car that is perfect etc. Not everybody is going to be rich, or married or have perfect children.
Traditional gender roles have been blurred and you find this confusing and scary. Now this one is very interesting. With the increase in opportunities and education for women a woman can now do everything a man can. However, this presents itself with a problem in that it forces men to confront their place in society. This is because women’s role in marriage/society is also linked to their biology, only women can carry and give birth to children, so their traditional role as caregivers are justified and tied up in their biology. Men, however, cannot carry young nor can they breastfeed, so traditionally they went out to work and brought the dollar home but now women can do that too. BUTTTT women can encroach upon men”s traditional roles but men cannot encroach upon women’s traditional roles because their biology prohibits it, what I mean is that a man cannot carry or give birth to young or breastfeed etc. Which has your typical Anglo-American male thinking:

“…right so carrying the young for 9 months she can do that but I can’t and breastfeeding and giving birth she can do that but I can’t but it’s ok I can be useful other ways! Errm… ok so bringing in the money riiiight well she can do that as well, going out to work paying the bills ok yeah soooo she can do that too, driving the car, getting educated etc she can do that as wellll, so what exactly is my unique usefulness in society? She can not only do the things that men CAN’T DO but she can ALSO do the things that MEN CAN DO. What am I here for?…Sperm donor?”

Now I’m going to suggest something radical…. I think that men’s role in life is to love Jesus and nurture just like women nurture. I think men should be the opposite of what they are traditionally, stern, money bags, in charge, I think they should be in touch with their emotions and work in order to nurture and pick up the slack to help, not hold that over the women and just to be in charge. If the two sexes were to work together not against each other it would be so much more helpful. I think that encouraging equal opportunities for women is a big part of the nurturing role of men towards society as a whole. They have the social capital to do soo much good and they either waste it or abuse it. According to the 2017 Global Gender Gap Report, published by the World Economic Forum, which benchmarks 144 countries on their progress towards gender parity across four matrices: Economic Participation and Opportunity, Educational Attainment, Health and Survival and Political Empowerment, it will take 217 years for women to achieve parity with men globally. The report states that this is partly due to the widening of the Economic Participation gap, which has reverted back to where it stood in 2008. One key finding of the report is that Western Europe is reported to have a remaining gender gap of 25%, putting that area ahead of North America, which has a remaining gender gap of 28%. The report also goes on to state that a variety of models and empirical studies have suggested that improving gender parity could add an estimated US$250 billion to the GDP of the United Kingdom. One key avenue highlighted for further progress is closing the occupational gender gaps, which the report suggest require adjustments within the education sector, companies and by policy makers, pointing out that fields that, such as the care economy and the emerging technology sector, are losing out on the benefits of diversity (Word Economic Forum 2017, pp.vii-viii)
Some statistics on women’s leadership potential: I don’t want to exhaust you with stats so here’s the highlights:

  • Nordea Bank surveyed nearly 11,000 publicly traded companies over 8 years and found that on average companies with a female CEO or head of the board of directors had a 25% annualised return since 2009 more than double the 11% delivered by the MSCI World Index (Nordea Bank 2017)
  • A Credit Suisse report mapped 27,000 senior managers at over 3000 of the largest companies globally found that greater representation of women in senior leadership roles was linked to excess stock market returns and senior corporate profitability (Credit Suisse 2016)
  • Again, The Credit Suisse Research Institute in 2012 found that companies with women on their boards perform better than companies with all-male boards in challenging markets. Following the 2008 global economic crisis, for example, net income growth for companies with women on their boards averaged 14%, compared with 10% for companies with all-male boards (Credit Suisse 2012).
  • Lastly, a report in 2015, by the McKinsey Global Institute, who, for 95 countries, mapped 15 gender equality indicators, which fall into four categories: Equality In Work, Essential Services and Enablers of Economic Opportunity, Legal Protection and Political Voice and Physical Security and Autonomy, estimated that if a “full potential” scenario, where women participate in the economy identically to men, were realised this could add up to $28 trillion to annual global GDP in 2025. This impact would be roughly equivalent to the size of the combined US and Chinese economies. MGI also established a strong link between egalitarian societies, their attitudes and beliefs about the role of women and gender equality in work. Additionally, just like the 2017 Global Gender Gap Report (2017), published by the World Economic Forum, the McKinsey Global Institute report found that the most progress was needed in the technology and care industries and that the private sector, education sector, governments and NGO’s will need to change in order to bring about gender equality (McKinsey & Company 2015, p.ii). This report also highlights that women are half of the world’s working-age population but only generate 37% of GDP, they are also disproportionately represented in lower-productivity sectors and insufficiently represented in higher-productivity sectors (McKinsey & Company 2015, p.4). Additionally, the report highlights that 75% of the worlds total unpaid work such as: child care, caring for the elderly, cooking and cleaning is done by women, estimating that the unpaid work being undertaken by women today amounts to as much as $10 trillion of output per year, which is roughly equivalent to 13% of global GDP (McKinsey & Company 2015, p.2).

Patriarchy is not in men’s interest, women are primary caregivers due to our capacity to feed, birth and bear young. Men should be protecting and supporting women because they help to protect and support the world, given the same opportunities as men, as the afore mentioned stats show. Women often work in care industries such as teaching, nursing, care-workers, social workers etc. You don’t want somebody who can’t read or write or is unfulfilled or underpaid to be raising the most precious thing the world has, our children, if the women are not encouraged to be strong and educated or supported adequately during and after their pregnancies they will not be equipped to lead and nurture the next generation (which statistics show that they lead and nurture anyway). YOU CAN’T GIVE OUT WHAT YOU DON’T HAVE… We all benefit in the end from the children when they grow up.

Below is a documentary by CNN, you can follow this link to watch it or use the embedded player below:

Don’t forget the song I wrote 2 weeks ago 🙂

Love

Catherine x

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Bibliography

CNN, ‘The Feminist on Cellblock Y’ CNN Web site, at: <https://edition.cnn.com/videos/us/2018/04/18/the-feminist-on-cellblock-y-doc-orig.cnn&gt; 10 May 2018

Credit Suisse Research Institute. 2012. Gender Diversity and Corporate Performance. August. Zurich.

Credit Suisse, ‘The CS Gender 3000: The Reward for Change 2016’ Credit Suisse Web site, at: <http://publications.credit-suisse.com/tasks/render/file/index.cfm?fileid=5A7755E1-EFDD-1973-A0B5C54AFF3FB0AE&gt; 2 March 2018

McKinsey & Company, ‘The Power of Parity: How Advancing Women’s Equality Can Add $12 Trillian To Global Growth September 2015 Executive Summary’ McKinset & Company Web site, at: <https://www.mckinsey.com/~/media/McKinsey/Global%20Themes/Employment%20and%20Growth/How%20advancing%20womens%20equality%20can%20add%2012%20trillion%20to%20global%20growth/MGI%20Power%20of%20parity_Executive%20summary_September%202015.ashx&gt; 8 March 2018

Nordea Bank, ‘Investing in female CEO’s pays off, 2017’ Nordea Bank Web site, at <https://www.nordea.com/en/press-and-news/news-and-press-releases/news-en/2017/investing-in-female-ceos-pays-off.html&gt; 2 March 2018

World Economic Forum, ‘The Global Gender Gap Report 2017, World Economic Forum Web site, at: <http://www3.weforum.org/docs/WEF_GGGR_2017.pdf&gt; 8 March 2018